Reality vs. Reality: Pick the Better One

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy, the amount of work is the same- Carlos Castaneda (via Twitter @goodvibecoach)

I’m reading Switch: How to Change When Change is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath. Brilliant book that will probably be my top 2010 business book unless something equally stellar comes along. Like all good non-fiction, it is a quick easy read packed full of lessons. Those lessons are mating with my brain along with lessons from The Art of Possibility and other books leaning on positive psychology.

Human being seem to be drawn to the negative, train-wreck watching version of life. We get tangled up in the looting of Chile and not amazed by all of the good being done at the same time these frightened (dare I say smart?) people are fighting for their upcoming survival. I’m not going to poke around into the why’s of negativity. I personally think we gawk at anything that reminds us of our own mortality and weakness because we are less afraid of that than our strength-which dares us to be and do impossibly great things! You can read this often quoted piece by Marianne Williamson to get a sense of what I mean.

I’m an optimist. I usually have people counter with “I’m a realist” but I question whether they really are. Our daily realities are subjective. If I get on the scale and weigh 195, that is reality. Whether or not I’m fat is subjective. If my husband abuses me or my kids, he’s a bad husband. That’s reality. Outside of that and some other unforgiveable sins, whether he is a good or bad husband is subjective. Good job/bad job. Good friend/bad friend. Clean house/dirty house. Subjective.

So, if your viewpoint is your reality, why not tilt it more towards the positive? If you weigh 195, why not say you are prepared for a Chilean catastrophe more than your slender soul sisters? Why not move towards the positive?

Switch encourages you to find the things that are going right and DO MORE OF THOSE. The Art of Possibility says we create boundaries for ourselves through socialization that simply do not exist. Marcus Buckingham has built a career on telling us to abandon improving our weaknesses and focus instead on playing to our strenghts. We hear things as they are not, see things as they are not. If we are doing this, why not make life more pleasant and productive and lean in to the positive viewpoint?

Discard what isn’t working and focus on what is. Celebrate accomplishments by noting them and what was going on, what you DID when they happened. Get a new client? How? Did you ask for business? Was your house clean when you spoke on the phone? Jeannette and the Law of Attraction both say move towards what feels good and away from what feels bad. These business books all say the same damned thing.

I have, in reality, few reasons to feel optimistic. I choose to be so. Why? IT FEELS BETTER and, I believe (and so do many many others), feeling better creates a more fertile, compost-rich environment for good things to grow than subjective reality. Thoughts? You can respond on my website.

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Some online loves of mine:
Fabeku Fatunmise (sound healing, cool guy), Kim Woodbridge (Wordpress hero and blogger), Shawn Decker (writer and “positoid”-look it up) and Apartment Therapy for all things design and small space.