Fabeku does everything right. Ok, his wife probably doesn’t agree, but in the world of authentic, relevant, organic networking, you bet he does. He is 100% without artifice.

I was lucky to have a sit down chit-chat with him over drinks this spring and found him to be as genuine and engaging in person as he is via Twitter or his blog/vlog posts. We debated social media, consistent blogging, and our parenting while I fell spell to the twinkle in his eye.

Aside from being one of his ‘taters and a neighbor, I’m an ardent admirer of his conviction to live life his own way (generally with a chunk of chocolate, a cup of tea and a kitty at his side) and how he treats his community. Drummer extraordinaire, soother, connector, intuitive, he simply rocks with conviction and joy.

Because of his generosity in giving of himself, I’m going to divide this particular interview into 2 -TWO-(two) JUICY PARTS. I will confess to having cried when I first read his responses.

In part one, The Fabulous Fabeku lets us in on his thoughts on fearlessness and authenticity:

Where’d your fearlessness come from? Especially in business?

I totally wish I could say I was fearless. But I’m not.

I mean, I have moments where I feel fearless. And those are delicious.

But a lot of the time? I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m getting way better at not letting that stop me or influence my choices though. So, for me, it’s more about learning how to deal with the fear versus not having it in the first place.

Another thing that’s been totally helpful is disillusionment.

I’ve bumped into places in my life – personally and professionally – where I was just totally over it. Where pretty much nothing was working and I was so completely not digging it.

When you get to that place it’s easy to make big changes and do big things. Because you almost have to at that point. It’s like your survival instinct kicks in and you have to leap.

But I think that’s a rough way to live.

So I’ve tried to dissect those nothing’s-working-totally-over-it places to figure out how I landed in the suck in the first place.

And it all goes back to fear.

Being afraid to make changes along the way to keep things from getting to that saturated-with-suck point. Being afraid to make little course corrections, which leads to being wildly off course. Being afraid to be who I am because I was scared of being rejected.

I ended up disillusioned when I let fear call the shots.

So I’ve had to switch it up a little. It’s not that I’m not afraid. I just can’t make decisions based on that fear anymore.

What are your thoughts about online authenticity? How naked do you want to be?

I think authenticity is crazy important.

Being authentic is about being you. Feeling free to be as much you as you can be.

And there’s a spectrum there. Everybody has to find what feels right and doable for them.

I don’t think being authentic has to mean being naked. I mean, it can. But it doesn’t have to. You don’t have to drop your drawers to be real.

I’ve been through the whole OMG-I-can’t-be-me thing. It sucks. And it’s hard. It’s a miserable way to live. And it’s miserable way to do business.

It’s also not sustainable. How long can someone keep not being themselves? That takes so much energy. Eventually you just run out of gas.

Being able to be who I am is one of those cornerstone kind of things in my world.

But it can be scary. There’s a lot of talk about being authentic which is rad. But people don’t always talk about how that can be seriously scary.

So, circling back to the fear thing, knowing how to work with the scary can be super helpful.

Making the decision to be me has pretty much been the best thing ever. Not just for my business, but for me personally.

Part 2 in two days. Off to find a hankie. Again.

I know. You don’t expect to see a naked man on THIS blog. Naked Maggie Gyllenhaal is far more likely but I’m a bit enamored with Colin Wright (and Adam Lambert) so here he is.

Colin is living life, both on and off line, the ARO way: authentic, relevant and organic. He’s the man behind Colinismy.name sustainable design studio and Exile Lifestyle, his vagabonding, location-independent lifestyle blog.

I’m a whore for people who live non-traditionally. If they can mix it with business, it is an ARO moment.

Some things Colin and I share:

1. He whittled down his possessions to 50! (I want to!)
2. He lets his readers vote every 4 months on his next travel location. (I have readers!)
3. He’s a Capitalist and a Humanist (caps his), and more. (I’m a humanist!)
4. He loves sustainable design (me too!).
5. He also runs an e-publishing design firm called ebookling (I LOVE THAT NAME) that he has big dreams for.
6. Clearly he likes to be naked. And so do I.

Here’s the interview:

Where’d your fearlessness come from? Especially in business?

Part philosophy and part experience.

I’ve got a good deal of Stoic in my personal philosophy, so the idea of lows being just as valuable as highs plays a big role in my decision-making.

On that same note, I’ve had several businesses fail in a very epic fashion, and after you’ve been on starvation rations and had your name dragged through the mud a few times for your failures, there’s not a lot left that’s too terrifying; just different degrees of uncomfortable.

I guess in a way I’m comforted by the fact that I know I can make a 6-figure income, and no one and nothing can take that away. So what if I make a huge miscalculation and lose everything? I’ve worked my way up from $4/hour before, and I can do it again.

What’s the worst that could happen?

What are your thoughts about online authenticity? How naked do you want to be?

I’m all about authenticity online, though I’m a brander so that should be expected.

The ideal brand is all you, not a fabrication. Branding merely organizes what’s important about you so that you can communicate your ideology to others faster. To NOT be authentic is just bad practice (and unfortunately all too common, online and off) and results in a confusing message and less impact.

I’m willing to be as naked as I need to be (in some cases, quite literally) in order to surround myself with the most brilliant, ambitious, game-changing people possible. This is why I started my blog, and to do otherwise would really be shooting myself in the foot.

And, to be perfectly honest, I’ve tried doing it otherwise and I just can’t…it’s not how I operate. I can’t get excited about projects that my name doesn’t have a stake in. I like the idea of constantly investing in my personal brand so that whatever I want to do in the future I’ll always have a head start. To not be transparent in my dealings and activities online would be to not reap the benefits of my actions as completely as I could be.

What makes you and your work relevant?

I think that’s a question for my readers!

That sounds flippant, but it’s really true. To me, my work is something I do for fun and in order to improve myself; to expand my horizons and gain new insight and to have an excuse to do crazy stuff that I would have trouble explaining to people otherwise.

I’ve had readers email me and say that I’ve helped them change the course of their lives, while others have insisted that I’ve expanded THEIR horizons and opened up some new path they didn’t even know was there.

I personally think that the role I play is the same role so many people have played for me: a catalyst. Just knowing that I’m doing what I’m doing has led people to make decisions and changes in their lives that they’ve known they should make all along (or opened their eyes to options they didn’t realize were there, but needed a kick to notice), and I’m thrilled to play that small part in their lives. I’m honored, actually. Every single email I get like that makes my day.

Who are your online/offline heroes?

Let’s see….

My parents have played a huge part, of course. They’ve always encouraged me and made sure that I knew if the worst should happen I’d have a place to come home to, not to mention the fact that my love of reading was instilled by them.

There are numerous philosophers and writers who have influenced me; way too many to list here, but books in general have taught me so much.

Seth Godin’s work has definitely helped me come to the realization that you don’t have to play dirty to succeed in marketing and branding.

Richard Branson’s entrepreneurial methods are inspiring. As someone who delves into different industries with each new business, I am absolutely fascinated by his overarching business methods.

I also tend to surround myself with these really brilliant people. Some are bloggers, some are entrepreneurs, some are just really brilliant folks living normal 9 to 5 lives. Regardless, though, they all keep me on my toes, keep me thinking and questioning, and keep me sane, knowing that there are other people out there who care as much about having a life worth living as I do (whatever they might do with that life).

What’s a book that changed your life?

Atlas Shrugged. The Objectivist philosophy that’s being conveyed is imperfect (as philosophies tend to be), but through this book Ayn Rand put into words so many things that I’ve always felt but didn’t know how to convey. A big part of who I am now came to be after reading this book.

This blog is about being authentic. But it is also about business. And thus, I split it up again.

The decision has been hard. Very hard.

I’m glad to put my personal stuff back over here because I don’t have to think so hard over there. I love just popping on and saying “read this”, “watch that”, or “let me bleed emotionally in front of you in the hopes that you will learn faster than me!”. It’s how I started blogging.

But then I built an online business and how much ME to share got confusing. How to divvy it up got confusing. Frankly, my highest traffic has been split between business and personal posts. But, after consulting with the Queen of Red Shoes and Her Knight-in-Wordpress armor, I decided to reside in two distinct locales.

And then I had lots of conversations with Josie, who is training to be a therapist, and who was (rightfully) worried about just how transparent to be online. So then I started worrying about that too because I’m studying to get into grad school for the same damned thing.

If you Google me, I am in an odd assortment of places. I don’t mind this but some of these places would be off-putting at best to a therapy client (!).

Before I combined blogs, I consulted (via quick emails, comments) with Danielle LaPorte and Colleen Wainwright, two ladies that I felt had mixed the personal with the professional well. They both understood my concern:

I’m a bleeding heart liberal. My dad calls me a communist. I remind him I’m a socialist. Some of my clients are, or might be, incredibly conservative. And I have to earn a living.

And they said it was a personal decision.

I would NEVER hide my politics, gender, partner, etc. for money.

The question came down to interest.

Are the people who want to hire me interested in my love life?

Probably not. They might be interested in my writing ability (that is a big might) but are far more interested in how I can save them the pain of the behind-the-scenes tech stuff.

And even as I write this, I feel a bit sick. Because many of my most loyal readers and friends come here, not there, for my thoughts on these human foible issues. That blog is more “me” than this one because it encompasses the many things I care about: design, spirit, sex, love and Mad Men.

So bear with me friends. I would imagine in the next 2-3 years, this whole thing will be completely different. But hell. Will we even be blogging then?

POSTSCRIPT: Today, the day after I published, I found these two posts via Twitter:

vlog post via @fabeku: You can be all of it

post via @jmoriarty: Bland Romance – Losing a client but regaining some perspective

Clearly this topic is one that many, many of us (judging by comments elsewhere) struggle with and, well, some just don’t. So. These two boys have just caused more head spin for me. Thoughts?

I found this great Keri Smith survival tool via Elissa Elliott, one of the members of Ronna Detrick’s Conversational Space (a women’s discussion group centered around Faith, Feminism and Truth-please do check it out!).

I’ve loved Keri Smith for a long time. She is 100% authentic, pragmatic, private and creative and the author of many non-traditional inspirational books about creativity and living as an artist. Highly recommended.

One of her survival tools is this “card” which it seemed to me was brilliant as a way (not) to live. Adapted with respect:

HOW TO FEEL MISERABLE AS AN ARTIST A HUMAN BEING:

1. Constantly compare yourself to other artists people.

2. Talk to your family about what you do and expect them to cheer you on.

3. Base the success of your entire career life on one project event, year, relationship.

4. Stick with what you know.

5. Undervalue your expertise inherent worth.

6. Let money dictate what you do.

7. Bow to societal pressures.

8. Only do work that your family would love.

9. Do whatever the client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor asks. (I’d add: your mother-in-law, significant other, co-workers, boss, friends, other flawed humans)

10. Set unachievable/overwhelming goals. To be completed tomorrow.

Never have I wanted to throw up on myself so badly as when I heard her say the word “authentic” 1500 times in one hour (so it’s an exaggeration. I could not bear to actually count) while “sharing” with Oprah (Oprah-I sure as hell hope that OWN TV is going to be more like the magazine and less like your final season…blech!).

When you hear a deluded media hog like Hunter go on and on about “living her truth” (i.e. doing what makes HER feel good) and being devoted to authenticity and your blog banner is said word…well, it could fill even the most secure writer/freelancer/human with blushing dread.

I’ll never ever be able to say or read the word the same way again.

Are any of us truly authentic? OR aren’t we inherently authentic, even when going through massive plastic surgery to morph into someone we admire-if for no other reason than we ARE uniquely “us” via our DNA? Aren’t we all impacted by pop culture, our parenting, our social circle, Netflix, spiritual focus and whatever other sources of data that we take in? And if you and I did exactly the same thing for the rest of our lives, we’d still be uniquely ourselves.

Regardless. I’d already been having a search for meaning in my own life and had taken a break from blogging and the online media world for a bit to clear my head and try to regain focus. Then along came Rielle…

Who knows? It’s a journey, right? But I sure would like to kick her.

1. Be yourself.
2. Do good work.
3. Don’t be afraid to share that good work (singing in the shower never got Susan B anywhere).
4. Be patient as you repeat steps 1, 2, 3.

Given that the theme of this blog is Authenticity (and relevance and organic growth), I thought “why can’t the Characters idea be combined with this?”

Of course, it can because in this world I am (goth) Queen and I make the rules.

Why can’t I explore, with you, thoughts on creativity, individualism, non-traditional community and often how it relates to the online business world?

I can! I can!

Here is my first thusly inspired post (this post fits the model and so does this one):

Lady Gaga was on Oprah Friday. Wow. I knew little to nothing about Gaga (as her friends call her).

Here’s the segment (until it gets removed). It is so worth your time even if you despise her music because she is fearlessly herself.

Takeaways from Lady Gaga:

• LOVE your people. CARE DEEPLY for your tribe. She was moved to tears talking about her “little monsters” (Gaga fans) her purpose of encouraging everyone to be their own (freaky) little selves

• Be yourself

• Do something that inspires you to get up and get to work first thing every day

• Use visuals. Play! Dance! Be weird! (or be utterly traditional if that is your schtick)

• Love and honor, but ignore, your parents and their concerns. This one is YOUR life!

• Spread praise. Gaga and Oprah have little in common yet there was clearly a mutual admiration society between them

• Do good. Gaga is offering a lot of opportunities for people to contribute to Haiti (like my friend Kelly Diels) on her web site. Ticket and merchandise proceeds on certain days were donated to that cause

Here’s to the return of glam rock (I tweeted that I want a Gaga/Lambert duet!) and being your own freaky self. Go Gaga!